"Your standards are not too high. They are just suddenly higher than the excuses you used to accept."
It is easy to believe your standards are “too much” when people benefit from you having none. Often, your standards are not the problem. The problem is that they finally outgrew the excuses you used to tolerate.
For a long time, you might have called it grace, patience, or understanding when you let people give you the bare minimum. You accepted late replies, cancelled plans, broken promises, and half apologies because you did not want to seem demanding. You told yourself they were busy, stressed, or just going through something. You kept lowering your expectations so you would not lose them. Over time, that started to feel normal.
When you begin to heal, you start asking different questions. Instead of “How can I be less sensitive?” you ask “Why am I the only one stretching this far?” Instead of “Maybe I am asking for too much,” you start to notice you are actually asking for basics like respect, consistency, and follow through. That shift is uncomfortable, because it exposes how many excuses you have been accepting in the name of love, loyalty, or loyalty to an old version of you.
Raising your standards does not mean you suddenly think you are better than everyone. It means you no longer abandon yourself to keep access to people who keep showing you that they are not willing to meet you halfway. It means you are done confusing chaos with passion, or crumbs with devotion. You are not asking for perfection. You are asking for effort, honesty, and alignment.
The people who relied on your low standards might call you harsh, distant, or “changed” when you stop accepting their excuses. That can trigger guilt and make you question yourself. But growth will always disrupt the dynamics that were built on your self-betrayal. The ones who genuinely care will adjust. The ones who only thrived when you required nothing will fall away. That is not proof that your standards are too high. It is proof that they were necessary.
Your standards are simply a reflection of how you have decided to treat yourself. When you value your time, your peace, and your heart, you naturally filter out what does not match that value. You do not owe anyone the older version of you who tolerated what you now know is harmful. Let your standards rise. The right people will not be threatened by them. They will be grateful you finally see what you deserve.
