"The victim story feels safe because it means nothing is your fault. But it also means nothing is in your power."
Have you noticed how comforting it can feel to tell the same story of how you were hurt, and at the same time how trapped you feel inside it? That is the paradox of the victim story. It protects you from blame while quietly convincing you that nothing can ever change.
There is a reason the victim story feels so safe. For many people, it is the first time their pain has ever been fully acknowledged, even if only in their own mind. “This happened to me. It was not okay. It was not my fault.” That truth is necessary. Without it, you stay tangled in self-blame and confusion. So the goal is not to erase the victim part of your story. The goal is to not live there forever.
Staying only in the victim role eventually steals your power. If nothing is ever your responsibility, then nothing is ever in your control. You end up waiting for apologies that may never come, changes other people are not willing to make, or circumstances that magically fix what was broken. Your life becomes a reaction to what happened, not a response to who you are now.
Letting go of victim mentality does not mean pretending the harm did not happen. It means shifting from “This is why I cannot” to “This is what I will do with what happened.” You keep the truth of the wound, but you stop letting it be the final word on your future. You start asking different questions. Instead of “Why did they do this to me?” you begin to ask, “What do I need now to feel safer, stronger, and more free?”
Radical responsibility is not self-blame. It is self-respect. It says, “What happened to me was not my fault. How I care for myself now is my responsibility.” That might look like setting boundaries with people who keep reopening the wound, choosing therapy, changing environments, or refusing to keep abandoning yourself the way others did. These are not easy choices, but they are powerful ones.
You are allowed to grieve how unfair it all was and still choose to move differently. You are allowed to say, “I should have been protected,” while also saying, “I am the one who will protect me now.” Your past shapes you, but it does not get to own your next chapter unless you hand it the pen.
The victim story was a necessary chapter. It named what happened and proved you were not crazy. Now, your healing is inviting you into a new chapter, one where your pain is still honored, but your power finally takes up just as much space.
