"Healing is not the fantasy where everyone from your past apologizes. It is the reality where you stop needing them to."
Ever notice how the mind quietly builds a fantasy where everyone who hurt you finally understands and apologizes? That fantasy can keep you stuck in waiting rooms instead of in your own life.
There is a version of healing that social media loves to sell. In that version, the people who hurt you wake up, gain self-awareness, and come back with perfect words that make everything make sense. It is cinematic, dramatic, and emotionally satisfying. It is also, for most people, not real life.
Real healing is much less glamorous and much more powerful. It is the slow, quiet decision to stop needing people from your past to suddenly become who they never were. It is noticing where you are still living as if their apology is the key that unlocks your future, and gently taking that power back.
When you are attached to the fantasy of apology, you stay emotionally tied to people who stopped choosing you a long time ago. Your nervous system keeps checking the door to see if they are finally coming back as the healed version of themselves. Your energy drifts into what they think, what they feel, and whether they have changed, instead of what you need in order to actually feel safe, grounded, and alive today.
Letting go of that fantasy is not about pretending you were not hurt. It is about honoring that you were. You deserved better. You still do. And because you deserved better, you are allowed to give yourself what they never gave you: validation, empathy, and an environment where your needs are not ignored or minimized.
Internal closure sounds like: “What happened to me was real. It mattered. I did not deserve it. I am allowed to move forward even if they never understand.” That is not letting them off the hook. That is taking yourself off the hook of waiting for them to do work they may never choose to do.
Healing, in this sense, is less about them and more about you. It is choosing boundaries that protect your peace instead of leaving the door open for another round. It is building a life where your joy does not depend on their awareness. It is realizing that the real apology you needed was the one you give yourself for abandoning your own needs while you waited for theirs to change.
You do not need their permission to close a chapter. You are allowed to end a story in your heart even if they still think it is unfinished.
