"You teach people how to treat you by what you allow."
Frustrated that certain people always seem to cross your lines while they're perfectly respectful with others? You might be unconsciously teaching them that disrespect is acceptable.
Every time you allow someone to interrupt you, dismiss your feelings, cancel plans last minute, or treat you with less respect than they show others, you're providing a lesson. You're teaching them what's acceptable in your relationship and what they can get away with.
This isn't victim blaming - it's recognition of your power. You have more control over how people treat you than you might realize. People will generally treat you exactly as poorly as you allow them to, and exactly as well as you require them to.
Notice how the same person who's chronically late with you is somehow always on time for their boss. The friend who interrupts you constantly never interrupts certain other people. The family member who dismisses your boundaries respects other people's limits perfectly fine.
The difference isn't about you being less worthy of respect. It's about what consequences exist for poor treatment. When there are no negative outcomes for treating you badly, bad treatment continues and often escalates.
This doesn't mean becoming harsh or punitive. It means becoming consistent about what you will and won't accept. It means having standards for how you want to be treated and maintaining them regardless of who's testing them.
Notice your patterns. Identify relationships where you consistently feel disrespected. What behaviors do you tolerate from these people that you wouldn't accept from others?
Start small with enforcement. If someone consistently interrupts you, stop talking mid-sentence and wait. If they're always late, don't wait more than 15 minutes. Show through actions that poor treatment has consequences.
Be consistent across relationships. Don't have different standards for family, friends, and colleagues. Respect is respect, regardless of the relationship type.
