"Stop explaining yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you."
Ever find yourself in exhausting conversations where no matter how clearly you explain your position, the other person keeps "misunderstanding" you in the exact same way?
Some people aren't confused - they're committed. They're not failing to understand your perspective because you haven't explained it well enough. They're choosing to misinterpret because understanding would require them to change their position, admit they're wrong, or acknowledge your autonomy.
You can explain your boundaries, decisions, or feelings perfectly clearly, but if someone is invested in not getting it, no amount of additional explanation will help. They'll keep asking "but why?" not because they're genuinely curious, but because they hope you'll eventually doubt yourself enough to give in.
This shows up everywhere. The family member who keeps asking why you can't visit more often after you've explained your schedule constraints. The friend who "doesn't understand" why you won't lend money after you've clearly stated your policy. The colleague who keeps pushing back on your project timeline despite repeated explanations.
Recognition is key here: when someone asks you to explain the same thing multiple times, they're not asking for clarification. They're asking for you to change your answer.
Your time and energy are too valuable to waste on people who are determined to misunderstand you. Save your explanations for people who are genuinely trying to understand, not those who are strategically playing confused.
Recognize the pattern. When someone asks you to re-explain something you've already made clear, pause and ask yourself: "Are they genuinely confused or strategically persistent?"
Use the one-explanation rule. Explain your position once, clearly and kindly. If they claim not to understand and ask for re-explanation, say "I think I was clear, but let me know if you have specific questions."
Don't take the bait. When someone says "I just don't understand why you..." respond with "You don't need to understand it, you just need to respect it."
